Michael Billings Collection - Wallet 3 - Part 6 of 14

No 41   VX38483 Gnr. M. Billings C. Section,
5th Aust. Hg  A/A. Battery 2. Aust. A/A. Regt.
A. I. F. Abroad 30. 10.41

My Darling
Your 71st letter to me, I must confess, left me with
mingled feelings, chiefly that of joy and admiration for you, 
dear heart. The opening page certainly did not prepare me for
what was to follow later on but on completing my perusal
of the letter, rarely have I felt so moved, that one who has
already given and sacrificed so much is ready to give more,
this time something that far transcends anything material.
Before getting down to brass tacks, however there are one or
two trifles to clear up first. In my last screed I shoved in
a cheque for £3 of which one smacker was for stamps. With the balance,
I hereby commission you as my sole Aust. agent. to buy a few Xmas
gifts for the following:. Mum & Pop, Dorcas, Sheila, Chas, Tom &
Jock. Of course, Whack up a quid between the jolly parents &
t' other between the brethren & cistern. If you (ahem) cannot
fit it in between shifts, don't hesitate to seek assistance, Skin
would fill the bill. Anyway, the floors yours, darling. O.k?
I've sent a card to Ada & your mother respectively, the latter
addressed in care of Ada, lost you mater's address. You'll see
she gets it, they have been sent by surface mail expected to
arrive by Xmas. The absence of yourself from the above
recipients, of course, is for a good reason.
For you I want

2/
to send something unprocurable in Aust and peculiar to
this part of the World. It's almost sure to reach you late, not
having been purchased yet but you understand I'm not
entirely a free agent to all I can promise is that you'll get
it when it arrives. To return to the original theme -
of course being both a woman & you, you will guess the
matter to which I am alluding. Your generosity, for want of
a better word, fairly bowled me over and gave me furiously
to think, just how much you love me is beyond my
computation when I realise to what extent you freely and reserve
without reservation relinquish what little comfort and solace
you at pres present possess so that I may be satisfied. and
But no, my own, I do not believe that God would throw
me into such temptation despite the urge of my own cravings.
He owes that much to you, at least, that will be one of the things
he will grant you in return for your faith and prayers. If he
suffers me to come back to you, rest assured that I will do so
without the haunting spectre of either of us spending illicit hours
with men or women in the pursuit of that happiness and
pleasure which I know now if I ever I shall lies only in
the realm of true love. Its very hard to expound clearly on
this subject so forgive me if my meaning is obscure. In our
letters we have frequently spoken of sacrifice. I can not
believe that the implications of that word are covered
merely by the fact that we are not bodily together or

3/
that we are living on a scale at standard lower than in the
days of peace. Knowing full well that while I am away no
man shall know the ardor of your kisses. the strength of
your embrace, it is only in common fairness to you that
I do likewise. Over here, the habitat of polite society such as
it is is denied the common soldier hence if his inclination
for the society of the opposite sex is to be followed, there remains
but one avenue through which it may be obtained, viz. the street
or the brothel. Leaving out the question of morals, the thought
of your steadfastness and purity [rises[?]] much too strongly before
me to enable me to succumb to such a questionable practice.
The Lord knows, darling Kay, I'm no saint and I fear I
haven't improved to any extent during my Army tenure but
the idea of lending my mind or body would to anyone but
the girl I love is quite out of the question and to be worthy of
you I must retain my self respect. If the sacrifice entails
complete abstinence from the elemental urge for sexual
satisfaction, I gladly make it as firsty I feel that I have
not yet reached a point where it is necessary, secondly because
it would degrade me and women in general in my own
eyes, thirdly because my upbringing and teaching tell me
it is wrong and weak and lastly, well just you. I've
never told you yet, sweet, perhaps you know anyway but
I've never performed the sexual act upon any girl

4/
in my life. Before meeting you, many have I kissed and
caressed but for some reason too simple or too deep for me
to fathom, I've had a strong conviction that none but the
woman I would surely one day meet and love had the
right to expect more but she and she only had the 
right to expect everything. So far maybe more by the divine
hand than my own doing, I have been able to carry my idea
out. Many years have passed but only your dear hands have
given me that joy and elation encompassed by a true love
And I pray that it shall be so until we are re-united and
free to indulge the dam pent up feeling and emotion that
must and does rage within us. It has so happened that I
have a complex that impels me to love only one woman
and to me that means everything. I'm neither a celibate or nor
a libertine but I think that my love for you will be strong
enough and ardent enough to give you some recompense for
what you have undergone and will do until peace comes.
I know the intensity and sincerity of your love for me, my own,
and when the time is ripe, the needs of our love starved bodies
will be amply catered for and that I fear that the first time
we are together and alone we will attempt to wife off the
arrears in one fell swoop. This letter reads to me like a
tract but my inclination to composition is somewhat hampered
by a strange feeling of humility consequent upon reading your

5/
wonderful letter. Perhaps I should have confined my remarks
to a few lines as you did but disordered though they be, I
have spilled out several pages. So, my lovely treasure, I
will at last desist but say goodbye reluctantly somehow, as
like you I have a feeling I'm with you and you remembered we
often took a long time to over our farewells. May the time soon
come when we may re-enact those tender scenes of yesterday,
the nights before the fire, the days on the wind-swept hills and
sunny southern beaches and the magical moments when we
were entwined with cool white sheets tempering the fire
coursing through our veins.
Bye Bye, my lovely curly haired darling,
Micky 

By Air Mail
Par Avion

41
Miss K. Clarke.
548 Barker's Road.
East Hawthorn.
Victoria. Australia 

Written
30. 10.41
Received
18. 11. 41
Egypt

PR00610
Australian
War Memorial 

No 42
VX438483  Gnr. M. Billings. C. Section.
5th. Aust. Hy. A/A. Battery. 2. Aust. A/A. Regt.
A.I.F. Abroad 5 . 11 . 41

Darling Kay,
I think the above number is the right one &
indeed I marvel at my verbal eloquence at reaching such
an all- time high for me. What with my natural aversion
to letter-writing added to the exigencies of war. I sometimes
wonder whether I haven't dreamt I've written over forty
of the best. Anyhow, Curly-Thatch, you always were the one
to draw out the best in me. Such as it is so I can really
attribute my comparative success as a letter-writer to your
good influence in my hapless youth. I s'pose you are
wondering what all this blurb is about? Its like this -
news is at a premium and I just feel like inditing a
message of good cheer to you, loved one, so you will have
to pardon me if this contains a modicum of junk. To proceed
I trust you are feeling as well as you can possibly and
believe me, thats saying something from one who knows.
Also I trust you continue to progress nicely at your
tasks and that the rigors of said job do not impose so
too great a burden on your sturdy frame.  Must say
your recent screeds imply that you are right in your
element. 

2/
your ardent if distant swain reports all well and
almost a yard wide for which happy state I join you
in returning thanks to he who [reignest[?]]. Had a jaded
feeling and a bit of headache on a few occasions of
late, due to a hell of a lot of row and damned little
sleep, a few jobs of work coming our way. The lovey
moonlight nights are a mixed blessing, I can tell you
and the sportsman on the other side wait until  you are
nearly asleep before dropping in with the result that for a
while you don't know whether its Saturday night at Bourke
St. Something has gone wrong around here with the
weather, winter approaches but hang it, it gets hotter,
it must be near 100° today, the flies are superb and In
writing this on a soap box with a skeeter net draped around
me to trick 'em.  They're buzzing around outside trying
to git in but I 'm winning up to date. I sent you last
week a G.E letter in reply to your no 71 and in retrospect,
I'm wondering if I said what I meant but I did my poor
best. Tell me dearest what you thought about it. Have not
been out lately except for a business trip yesterday details
of which I cannot release. I had a letter from your
brother John and have popped off a reply.

3/
He seemed portly fit and quite cheerful, his main grouch
being the shortage of beer in Palestine which shows he
retains a proper Australian & rational outlook. Not
much of a show of meeting him for a while, I fear me.
And how is Melbourne town these Spring days? Full
of black-outs, A.R. P. Anti-Panic Squads, Chocos &
such like, by the look of the flapper press. Too, too
ducky, isn't it? Ada's parcel of soap, etc, has just blown
in and what a bonzer swag too. Only trouble is where
we are now fresh water is shorty and here I am bursting
with the creamy lather and no aqua pura. It would
wouldn't it! Also the Digest. I'll be sending her a
letter of thanks shortly. Hope to grab a spot of leave toon
and have located a joint where Egyptian applique work
is on sale pretty cheaply so will acquire one or two for the
embellishment of our love nest. Also have had a couple
of papers this week and with mail day & pay day
tomorrow. the spirit of carnival reigns supreme. Probably
need a boost as the moon [rides [?]] high. See, its hot, night
time and a fellow is parked on his cot in the raw
almost. What a dump. Just drawn my daily ration of
beer so write these lines between swigs.