Ca Ne Fait Rien - Part 5
N° 10 Page 2
Ca Ne Fait Rien
FRANCE
FEB 1918
At The Theatres
Drawing - See original document
An
old
Favourite
Returns
Nellie Stewart in "The sweet
smell of the old brewery"
An
Actor
playing
SEVEN
DAYS
LEAVE
Drawing - See original document
A soldier
having it.
' Sunday Reading
( We must apologise for this article.
The Religious Editor is A.W.L. and
this was done by the Sporting Editor)
We will take for our subject this
morning that bit about David
and Delilah. The Sports of those
times were always trying to
arrange a match between them
Delilah was a big hefty foreigner
in the Jeff Willard class and
David was only a fly weight.
I would have liked to have
seen that scrap. David must
have trained well because
the Jews backed him from
the start. They had one of
the biggest houses on record
to see the fight. The first
round both Del & Dave were
sparring for openings. It was
an open go. No rules, no nothing.
Del picked up a big sword
and tried to get the "rabbit killer"
on Dave but Dave's footwork
was too good, he ducked and
belted Del on the forehead
with a bit of blue metal
Delilah took the count.
Drawing - See original document
WHY GIRLS LEAVE HOME
10-3
RHYMES ETC.
" Where are going?" the maiden
asked
As the weary column went
slushing past.
"Oh tell me please" again she
sighed
"We aint goin nowhere" a
voice replied.
"But" said the maiden " you
dont seem to care
You must, you must be
going somewhere"
Said a man as he passed, and
he hitched his pack
"We aint goin nowhere we're
just comin back"
SERIAL STORY
Chapter 10
Joe's heart raced ahead
of the motor which tore
through the darkness
at dizzy speed. A small
light glowed by the roadside
"Saved" said Joe as he
hopped of the back and
got in just before the canteen closed
To Be Continued
Ca Ne Fait Rien
'The 6th Bn A.I.F. Paper
No 11
Editied by { Capt C. Gould
{ R.Q.M.S. Noonan F
Number
11
Ca Ne Fait Rien
FRANCE
FEB 1917
Advertisements'
Situations Vacant
Man with thorough
knowledge of Gyppo
money is required.
Report to Debits
NOTICE
All men will take
the earliest opportunity
of reporting to the Reg.
Tailor to be measured
for civvies
£100 REWARD
The above sum will
be paid to anyone
producing the body
(dead or alive) of the
miscreant who recently
mutilated the face
of the Earl of Chatham
till his face was
almost unrecognisable
Scented Soap will be
issued by the Bn. cooks
with the shaving water
in the morning.
WAR NEWS
It is not generally known
that we might have had
peace long ago. It appears
that Austria sent a note
to China agreeing to our
terms but the bally chows
couldn't understand the
language.
The violent strafe that
came over on Thursday
morning was caused by
a man smoking the issue
"Nut brown" shag Fritz
thought it was a gas attack
Battalion Beauties
Drawing - See original document
Skidmore's
sweet
strawberry
Drawing - See original document
Cpl Hill's
Horror
LIBELS or OTHERWISE
Who spent six frogs
on a jar of shandy
composed of beer & rifle oil?
Which officer intends
to open an old clothes
shop somewhere near
Gallipoli apres la guerre?
Did any N.C.O try to
came "a grouper" on 80 Francs
last pay day?
Did any SM fire an S.O.S.
just to watch the pretty lights
Isn't it a good job for
the battalion that the
sand track is soft?
Has anyone heard of
a watch with an alarm inside?
Is it true that the officer
so often mistaken for one of
the Guards is now seeking
a pair of "wings"?
Are some people wondering
whether it would be better
to freeze than be smoked
like bacon?
Serial Story
Chapter 11
It was one of the
most thrilling
moments in the
life of Lucille the
terror of the Yarra
flats. Police and
other people more
or less disliked
surrounded her
on every side.
(Note by the Author)
I have got our
poor heroine into
such a fix this
week that only
by the most
superhuman
efforts will
she be able to
escape. See next
weeks issue price
one penny at all
newsagents.
11-1
Drawing - See original document
" Ca Ne Fait Rien"
News of the Week.
Two popular officers
have recently rejoined the
Battalion.
Lt Horsburgh explain to Lieut.
Samuels that "a line is length
without breadth.
It is reported that a number
of officers could always be
seen near the R.A.P. at 6 o'clock
when cocoa and milk came to
light —------————
Has that latrine seat been
found yet? —————
Sentry: — " Who goes there"
Officer on Picquet Duty.— "Friend"
Sentry:— "Give the countersign"
officers:— "Rum"
Sentry "Advance
Digger, You'll
do me
It is said that A certain Company
Commander offered to give
his horse to any man in the
company who could ride it.
Poetry (peut etre)
There is a Companee that is
known as Ack
But the Companee Commander
can't ride his hack,
He can push a bicycle
from the Yser to the
Marne,
But he's going to
sent the mare back
to work on the farm.
Another little drink etc.
Drawing - See original document
11-2
Goo
24-1-18
Page 2
N°11
Ca Ne Fait Rien
FRANCE
Drawing - See original document
The only man who
hasn't seen Jack
Washbourne's watch
Drawing - See original document
The man in the
Orderly room who
recently received a
body shield doesn't
care if the war
lasts 20 years longer.
Drawing - See original document
Eggs-a-cook
1st Divvy.
Drawing - See original document
"Where's the 3rd Divvy, digger?
"In London & Paris mostly"
Scale showing
comparative lengths
of Battalion moves
Drawing See original document
RESTS STUNTS
11.3
Frank Norman
On His Majesty's Service.
44 Ca Ne Faite Rien
No 12 Red and White Diamond
N° 12
Page I
Ca Ne Fait Rien
France 1918
Advertisements
Situations Vacant
Lighthouse keeper wanted
(must be ineligible) to throw
a light on the duckboards
leading to the Sgts Mess.
Man wanted to take
the place of an original
who will perhaps be given
the chance of going back
to Aussie for a cool off.
Wanted to Borrow.
L/cpl going to Paris wishes
to borrow a rigout to
make his as much like
as officer as possible
Will pay on return (if
he has any money)
LOST.
Lost by Sergt. Dutton a trip
to Australia, finder please return
to A. Coy., Reward, No questions asked
Lost V.C. with two bars
D.C.M " 14 "
M.M. " 101 "
Order of the ossified 'orse
with land, palm & oak leaves
and a hat full of other medals,
finder please return to
L.Cpl. Jones A.S.C.
No reward.
WAR NEWS
The speech of the leader
of the Chinese Labor Party
in reply to Fritz's Peace
terms has put fresh
heart into the troops in
France and other places
where there is a war on.
A mess orderly has
informed us that as soon
as Fritz removes his troops
from the Russian frontier
the Russians will have
another cut at him.
This news is however
not official.
Battalion Beauties
Drawing - See original document
Bruhn's
Beauty
Drawing - See original document
Laing's
Lady
LIBELS OR OTHERWISE
Who composed that
awfully pretty kitty "We
haven't seen the Kaiser etc"
Who clutched a brother
officer by the seat of his
pants and just saved
him from a nasty accident?
Who enjoyed the joke about
the sailor & the water cart?
What is the record number
of falls off the duckboards
for one evening? Who
holds the record?
Who walked to Bailleul
to see a very ordinary tabby
with "flashing eyes"?
Where did Pedlar learn
to sing?
Does the Padre exercise
his horse every day?
Has anyone come an
abdominal through not
being careful with the
corks of beer bottles
SERIAL STORY
Chapter 12
Benlock Moans pulled
a magnifying glass from his
pocket and carefully searched
the carpet around the dead
bodies. At last a sharp cry
announced that he had found
a clue and with a pair of
forcepts he gently lifted a
blood stained sledge hammer
that would have passed
unoticed except for the eagle
eye of the great detective.
"Ah" said Moans "This
crime was evidently committed
with some blunt instrument.
"Wonderful" I murmured
"My dear Watson how often
have I told you to observe"
said Benlock as he took
a hyperdorimic syringe from
his hat and casually injected
3 quarts of rattle snake
poison into his arm
to be continued
12-1
Who's Which in the 6th
Drawing - See original document
Lt. Jock Shrimpton
rejoined from
the Training Bn.
Lt. Shrimpton
is handsome.
clever, witty
and a good
allround
Sport.
He has always
been a
brave comrade
and a good
pal.
(I had to put in
all these nice things
so he won't come round
and stoush me for the
rotten picture the
Artist chap drew. Ed.)
Sergt. Roy Dutton
Carefully
camouflarged
with a false
mo.
Sergt. Dutton
is an old and
popular N.C.O.
He was last wounded
at
Pozieres
Sergt. Dutton dos'nt
drink, smoke
swear, tell lies,
gamble, chew
tobacco, or go
with girls
I believe
the artist
put
the
wiskers
on the
Sergt.
because
he can't
draw him. Ed.)
CA NE FAIT RIEN 15-2-18
Various Verse and Other Crimes
"Owed to Spring" (He means ode but none of
these poets can spell. Ed)
Each bursting leaf and bud shoots forth,
The lambkins gamble on the green,
And busting bombs and shells go off
But shooting pains are rather mean.
What means this shooting, busting sound?
With air'planes swiftly on the wing;
And Aussie's digging in the ground.
It is the offensive of the Spring
Ah! happy springs I spent in Aussie,
With papers "Truth" and "Sporting News,
And tabs like Mary Jane and Flossie
And good cigars and tubs of booze.
When next spring comes perhaps we'll
be at Y and J's
With quidlets flowing from each briming
pocket.
What happiness to stay and drink for days.
But Young and Jackson's gone like any rocket.
Ah! woe, is me that lovely pub is wrecked,
Unkind and unclean men have pulled it down
The lovely booze
(That D- Tame Poet has got off his chain
again, but I fixed the blighter, those stains
are his hearts blood. Ed)
12.2
In a recent issue of the London Times
doubt was expressed as to the truth
of some of the news published in
"Ca Ne Fait Rien" Our readers are assured
that such statements coming from our
our obscure and reptile contempory
are without foundation and are based
on jealousy
John Bull says :- there are a lot
of things John Bull says but as our
readers know, they are taken direct
from these pages, "Ca Ne Fait Rien"
always publishes The best news
first, "it said so in John Bull".
Drawing - See original document
semi Official Photo:-
Hun Airman making a decent
Ca Ne Fait Rien 15-2-18
Drawing - See original document
Last week our Artist
was on leave in
Gay Paree
Where he spent most of his
time sketching the famous old
churches for the benefit of
our readers. Peut etre, wee
Peul etre, no
Drawing - See original document
For several days he was
shadowed
by a mysterious individual until his
suspicions becoming aroused, he -----
pulled off the man's false wiskers, disclosing a notorious
Hun spy, who had been detailed by the All Highest to watch him
Our Artist stabbed him to the heart with a loaf of French bread.
Circulation over 4 Million 12-3
His work was
interrupted by the
air raids during
which he devoted
himself to the
care of the
distressed and
frightened
inhabitants.
Drawing - See original document
He met a number of
our Allies From
U.S.A. The Sammies
were greatly
interested in his stories
of the part he had
played in the
Great War, they
said the American
papers had given the
credit for most of
his work to Dug Haig.
He is convinced
that he will
be able to visit
Paris again
in about
5 years.
Drawing - See original document
Drawing - See original document
The Taxi driver
Goo
15.2.18
Lt. Jock Shrimpton
rejoined from
the Training Bn.
Lt. Shrimpton
is handsome.
clever, witty
and a good
allround
Sport.
He has always
been a
brave comrade
and a good
pal.
(I had to put in
all these nice things
so he won't come round
and stoush me for the
rotten picture the
Artist chap drew. Ed.)
Drawing - See original document
Where he spent most of his
time sketching the famous old
churches for the benefit of
our readers. Peut etre, wee
Peul etre, no
Drawing - See original document
For several days he was
shadowed
by a mysterious individual until his
suspicions becoming aroused, he ––
pulled off the man's false wiskers, disclosing a notorious
Hun spy, who had been detailed by the All Highest to watch him
Our Artist stabbed him to the heart with a loaf of French bread.
Circulation over 4 million
Drawing - See original document
His work was
interrupted by the
air raids during
which he devoted
himself to the
care of the
distressed and
frightened
inhabitants.
Drawing - See original document
He met a number of
our Allies From
U.S.A. The Sammies
were greatly
interested in his stories
of the part he had
played in the
Great War; they
said the American
paper had given the
credit for most of
his work to Dug Haig
Drawing - See original document
He is convinced
that he will
be able to visit
Paris again
in about
5 years
Drawing - See original document
The
Taxi driver
GOO
15-2-18
"Ca Ne Fait Rien"
EDITORIAL
Will they never come?
We must look facts squarely
in the face; we cannot camouflarge
the obvious. The Russians are
rapidly advancing towards Siberia
A Portuguese official Com. states that
a German aeroplane fell in their
area and the mangled crew
were captured, the account
goes on to state that our
losses were slight.
In "The Bendigonian" we are told
that Lance Corporal Jones rose
from the ranks. What does
all this prove? We must look
facts in the face, Bread will
be 6 to a loaf.
In pre-war days any good
Aussie could do a loaf on his
own, 6 to a loaf is the last
straw that threatens to undermine
our independence. What
does Bobbie Bur-r-r-ns say:-
"A fig for those by law protected,
Liberty's a glorious feast.
Figs for jam are often issued,
Bread is rotten without yeast."
Our Reptile Contempories
haved stabbed us in the back
and behind us, could anything
be more cowardly than this
stealthy blow in our face,
That Reptilian Rag the "London
Times" basely attempts to flitch
our news and pass it off as
from "Their special correspondence"
That Atrocious Anarchistic
Advocate. "The Argus" in a leading
article says:- in lurid language
that menance to the morals of
our maids "Ca ne fait rein" publishes
stories that will destroy the
character of the Nation"
Do not be deceived fair
reader, they are jealous,
WE publish The best news first.
MORE OR LESS OFFICIAL
WAR NEWS ?
From our corresondent at the
front.
SIAM, 10,pip emma. 22nd, Our Grand
Fleet of Dugout canoes made a dash
on the water melon plantation of
Fritz Schneider and successfully
lifted 3 large melons, our losses
were light.
Brazil, semi official, The general
strike is assuming alarming proportions ;
No Nuts were on the
block today and there is likelyhood
of a shortage in the supply of
colonels for the army.
Iceland 10-1 pip emma, 22, Clothing is
urgently needed for the inhabitabbts
There are so many bear.
General Igota Frozenface is holding
out against the 1.W.W's but his
ammunition is almost exhausted,
reports say that he has only 16
harpoons and 21 bone tipped arrows.
Last nights raid by the enemy
proved to be a frost.
Enemy official :- Trouble in the
diet, Von Sauer Kraut tenders
his resignation, Limberger is
offering strong support to the
Junker Party.
R.F.C. Yesterday one of our
captive baloons failed to return.
ADVERTISEMENT
For Sale :- Guide book of Paris,
owner has no further use for it.
apply any Coy. H.Q's
For Sale:- Our reputation as a
football team, sightly damaged
apply, 2nd Inf. Bde H.Q.s
Wanted to meet, Young lady, not
over 20, with some cash, say about
20000000000 Francs, Must have a
gentle dispostition and be fond of
music; address all communications to
Smith, c/o Padre
Advts. in this paper are published
at 235174 Francs 2 Sometimes per line.
22.2.18 Circulation
over 5 million 12 - 4
Various Verse and other crimes
"To a Tile"
This lovely hat was drawn by me
From the DADOS and the A.O.D.
I've worn it now for 30 years
Thats when I left Port Melbourne's Piers
And sailed or seas and deserts rough,
To "box on" with the Turkish Tough.
Ah! boster lid thou's't stood me well
Through Pozieres and Ypres and-well
Let's say as does out darling Padre -
"Ah, hem! my friends don't be too tardy
Forsake my brother the wide road.
Or you will burn with Mister Goad."
But to our tale about this lid
Its seen its day "an' thats no kid"
An so I sez to our Quack Emma,
"This tile of mine has got no rim or
Band or top, in fact I tells 'im
Its done its dash, I wants a new 'un,
'E sez to me , to me sez 'e
"Me man your headin' for C.B.
Such waste will be the country's ruin,
Go, get it blocked by Pompy Bruhn.
The Ack, Ack, Ack
There's a terrible man, with a
roving eye
Who calls out "Halt" when you're
passing by
"Me lad sez 'e" with a withering look
"If yer can't salute, well d- well try"
Mr Mahoney does it, like they do in
the book"
'An' me knees they knocked an' me
hands they shook.
"Now watch "sez 'e "the R.S.M.
Who does it better than all other men,
Now spring to attention, You little runt,"
'An I stands up straight, I does and then
"Bout turn, quick march" 'e shouts
with a grunt,
This terrible cove is the Adjutant.
Gentle reader, its no use crying,
over spilt (issue milk) but that
dashed poet is out of the clink
again (Editor)
Battalion Beauties
Drawing - See original document
HEARTS ARE TRUMPS
BOYS' Cross' Catch Oliver's
Beauty Only
ON DIT That :-
A certain sergeant
while on Paris leave
had his hair cut
on two days running
that:- A number of
wasters are living
in a dugout in this
area and that they
live by raiding
cookhouses and
stealing tunics etc.
Watch out for
them.
that:- C.S.M. Brent
saw a smart, important
looking officer a few
days ago, The C.S.M.
gave his a "dinkum"
salute and then saw
that he was only an
A.S.C. Sergt Major.
C.S.M. Brent tried to
make us believe that
he was only scratching
his nose. (It went to S.M)
that:- Jack Washbourne
went to see the Grand
Opera in Paris and in
the middle of the sob
scene, that d-n watch
of his went off again
that:- the 5th Bn.
told one of our cooks
that he was a big
fat, gravy swab.
SERIAL STORY
The Orphaned Burgular
The sweet Summer sunshine flooded the
landscape and the song
of swans and
cockatoos made
melody, as Bill
finished looting
the farm house.
It still lacked
10 minutes to Midnight
so Bill to
fill in time
cut the throats
of the farmer
and his wife.
Bill was
a quiet
and refined
burgular with a
dear little sweet- heart named
Alice, The popular song among the
policemen of the villiage was "Alice
where art thou?" The parents of
this sweet maid were opposed to
the match so our lovers, knocked
them on the head and threw the
bodies into the fat boilers. Bills
tentor heart was sad to think of poor
motherless Alice, so he killed her
too. and as he was supersticious
about odd numbers he shot the
bar-man at the corner pub,
Bill when hungry one day stole a
crust of bread and for this crime
was pursued by the police. He hid
himself over the edge of a precipice.
To be continued.
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